


Tomato: 1 Sasuke 0

by NishaaKidd



Category: Naruto
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, One Shot, Reddit Made Me Do It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-15
Updated: 2020-06-15
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:55:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24731932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NishaaKidd/pseuds/NishaaKidd
Summary: Semi-crack one-shot. Read an idea on reddit, and this happened.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 10





	Tomato: 1 Sasuke 0

**_Prompt: Tomato 1, Sasuke 0_ **

Sarutobi sighed as he rubbed the palms of his hands against his eyes in exasperation, desperation, and plain old exhaustion.

 _‘How is this my life?’_ was his sole thought as he reached for the final report on his desk **,** with one hand and brought his tobacco pipe to his lips with the other. The sweet smell of maple burnt tobacco filled his senses and he inhaled from his pipe.

**Coroner’s report:**

**Final findings:**

**Name** : Uchiha, Sasuke

 **Age:** 12

 **Height:** 58.7" (149.1 cm)

 **Weight:** 88.0 lb (39.9 kg)

**Final Diagnosis:**

  * **Asphyxiation**
  * **Anaphylactic shock -** _a severe, potentially life-threatening allergic reaction. It can occur within seconds or minutes of exposure to something you're allergic to._
    1. _Cause of death:_ **_Solanum lycopersicum_** _; to elaborate, I have officially determined Uchiha Sasuske’s death an accident. Upon examining the cadaver I have discovered sever swelling of the anterior, lateral and posterior groups of the throat. Blood test confirm the high white blood cell count that occurs when the immune system overreacts to a usually harmless substance (an allergen such as peanut or penicillin) causing mild to severe symptoms that affect various parts of the body. I can only assume by the contents of the Uchiha’s stomach that he had an allergic reaction to the Solanum lycopersicum which is, to clarify, a Tomato._



**Witnesses:** _Hatake, Kakashi_

_Haruno, Sakura_

_Uzumaki, Naruto_

A ragged gasp escaped this throat as he exhaled. Smoke billowed out his lips as he spluttered and tried to regain his breath. He could feel his mouth drying, and the acrid taste of bile beginning to build.

 _‘What in the actual fuck did I just read.’_ He thought as he re-read the report over and over again, checking for any sign of falsification. Throwing himself back into his chair, he groaned in disbelief.

 _‘I am too old for this shit.’_ He thought bitterly to himself. With a heavy sigh, he straightened his spine and swiftly barked orders to his Anbu agent 

“Sparrow, get me Hatake Kakashi, Haruno Sakura, and Uzumaki Naruto. Now! I don’t care if you have to drag Kakashi in here by his ear. I want them here two hours ago!”

The tell-tale swish of the Body-Flicker technique could be heard as he prepared himself for the report he was about to receive. He was sure it woud be the most ridiculous thing he will ever hear.

_‘Because I mean who actually dies from eating a **tomato**?’_


End file.
